Our Wedding Day

The morning of the wedding I had set my alarm for 7:15am, but I woke up a number of times. I finally woke up and saw it was 7am, and decided that was close enough. I kept thinking to myself, “This is it. This is my wedding day. Today is my wedding.” It still felt so unreal.

I took a shower and then woke Katie up, and we both got ready in my room. I was originally planning to wear a white button-up shirt for the hair and make-up time, but instead I wore a “bride” shirt Annette had gotten me. I figured there really aren’t many other opportunities to wear it!

I wrote earlier about how I had cried at the rehearsal. Someone told me that they knew someone that cried a bunch at the rehearsal but then didn’t cry at all at the wedding. I thought it was unlikely, but possible, that I would have the same experience. Then I called my mom to say good morning and ask a question, and when she said good morning back to me I teared up. So I figured that was not a good sign for staying dry-eyed.

A little before 8am, I went down to the lobby and brought with me the rolling garment rack for the dresses. The moms and most of the girls were already there. We hung all the dresses and things on the garments racks (this was my clever solution for getting everyone’s stuff to the city hall without having to bring it with to hair and make-up or need to have everyone stop back in their room later.) The valet put the racks in the fire control room for us for storage. Everything was going really smoothly, and I felt vaguely like I had butterflies in my stomach, but I was otherwise ok.

Then all of the females in the wedding party, and the moms, all walked to Ivy Spa – a nice spa a little more than half a mile from Hotel Minneapolis. I think I walked really quickly – I was feeling really happy and excited. We were there for our 8:30am start, and the Videographer from Capture Studios, Ty, was there to meet us.

I started by getting my hair put in rollers, then mom did my make-up, and then I finished my hair. The other girls were getting their hair done in shifts, and either having their makeup done or doing it themselves. The spa had put out bagels, coffee, and juice, so people were also hanging out and eating or sitting in the relaxation room at the spa.

I know Katie was practicing her speech while we were there, and having my Mom listen in. I had bought three hair clips from the Chapel of Love at the Mall of America – I wasn’t sure which I’d use. With Katie and my Mom’s input, we decided to use all three on the side where my hair was pulled back. There was a bit of delay because the main clip was a little broken, and we had to MacGyver a bobby pin solution. I was actually really calm this whole time – I was just having a good time and chatting with friends.

I realized at one point that I needed to have my veil so the lady could put it in securely, but I had left it at the hotel, so Tom brought it over. He also brought over an updated copy of the vows that Jeff and I had written, and that Jeff had re-printed that morning. (I did tear up a little trying to practice the vows in my head.)

When everyone was finished, we headed outside, but found out it was just starting to sprinkle. Instead, we headed back upstairs and decided to take the skyways. We had no problems navigating (I had a map in my trusty yellow folder), though I’m pretty sure I walked really fast again – I was so anxious to get to City Hall and get things going. Also, Stephanie was answering my cell phone for me – I think I was feeling too focused to get it myself.

When we got to the City Hall, Noah and Ty were there shooting/filming our entrance. Tracey, the City Hall coordinator, greeted us right inside (and we could see that the musicians were already set-up and practicing, which was great.) Tracey took all the girls to our ‘get ready’ room – Room 132 – it was a big conference room/ classroom looking place. I was happy to see the rolling garment rack with all of our things there, just like it was supposed to be. From there, everyone seemed to just go into auto-mode in getting things done. Some of the girls got out the steamer and started steaming dresses. I took my wedding dress out of its garment bag (for the first time since the store!) which was really exciting. Noah showed me a spot to take it for photos – I hung the dress on the Mrs. Borowitz hanger, and then hung it on a ledge in an area of the building with cool architecture. When we brought it back in the room, Katie steamed it while I did other things.

Noah and Ty were both planning to capture the moment when I put on my dress. I was excited about this, but unfortunately had not been thinking about it when I chose to wear a cute white “bride” thong from Victoria Secret. So Pooja went back to her room at the Hotel Minneapolis and got me a white slip to put on before changing into the wedding dress on camera. Probably not necessary, but made me feel more comfortable.

I talked to Noah about where to do the ‘first look’ – we wanted someplace private, but thought the main staircase was a more beautiful place to do it than the hallway, so Noah and Videographers asked people to step out of main atrium for a minute so we could do the first look there.

Once I was in my dress and totally ready, we went to do the first look. I was on the first floor, and Jeff was on the top landing, facing away from me. I was really excited to see him and hear how his morning had gone, though a bit nervous because it seems like a big moment, I walked towards him (as slowly as I could, given my excitement/nervousness). Then I paused at the top of the stairs like Noah had told me to, so he could get a photo (I bet I look really focused), then I walked slowly down the stairs, tapped him on the right shoulder (so he would turn towards the other photographer), and gave him a hug. Jeff seemed really nervous too, though we were both really happy – we were really quiet – not loud and yelling, but it was fun to see him and know that now we could finally start chatting about how the day had been and what was next. We both said how excited we were, and he said how pretty my dress was, and we talked about breakfast and the spa a bit. And we kissed, which I told Jeff was allowed up until the ceremony

Then we got the bouquets and boutonnieres – I don’t know who reminded me to do that, but thanks to them, because I was ready to just run right out the door to photos.

Then we went outside, and it was raining a bit, so we put up umbrellas, and Jeff and I got in Noah’s car while the rest of the wedding party either got in the van (with Katie driving) or walked to meet us at the Guthrie.

We were running late – we were supposed to start between 12:30 and 1pm, but I think it was already 1:30 or 1:45pm when we were leaving, and we needed to be back for family photos at 2:30pm, so photos felt like they went by really, really quickly

We were on the path between the Guthrie and the Mill City Museum – we did a number with just Jeff and me, and then some with the whole wedding party – I think Noah did a good job of setting up those pictures really nicely, and not just making them look like the standard group shot.

We did a few pictures down on the road along the river (just down the stairs from the walkway we were on previously) – I think we got some really cool ones

And that was it for wedding party pictures – I thought it went so fast! I wish we had planned in an extra hour or something. I would have even liked to go to another location – maybe inside the Guthrie or something. We drove with Noah back to City Hall to the park where we did family photos – all of the family was there – parents, siblings, grandparents, and some aunts, uncles, and cousins. We did a series of photos with all different combinations of family members, and then Jeff and I headed to the City Hall – we got in around 3:10pm, which was just a bit behind schedule.

Up in the get-ready room I had a snack (some almonds), used the rest room (tricky!), and watched the minutes count down. It felt like forever between ten minutes and five minutes, and then at five minutes the girls said it was time to go out, and I had one or two things I wanted to do (eat a couple more almonds, check my teeth, etc.) and somehow those minutes flew by.

All the girls walked out to the atrium near the top of the stairs and I met my dad there. My chest was definitely a bit tight – in the morning, it had felt like we were following the schedule and getting things done, and having fun and rushing around a bit, and now all-of-a-sudden, as if I’d had no warning, the guys were filing down onto the stairs, the processional music was starting, and I was about to begin my wedding ceremony. My wedding was happening.

The girls processed down the stairs with no issues (I assume, I wasn’t really watching, since I was focusing and hiding behind a pillar with my dad). Then the music switched to the bridal processional, and my dad and I started to walk. We took two steps per stair, which forced me to go slow – it was amazing to look out and see everyone there, staring back at me. I saw Jeff looking up at me. I started to tear up and cry a bit.

When I got to the lower landing, my dad switched to my other side, and Katie handed me a tissue, which was good because I was definitely crying, and my nose was a little runny (gross!) Jeff looked like he was crying too.

The ceremony went just like we had planned and rehearsed it, though it seemed much faster than I’d imagined. We jumped right into singing the hymn, “Come and Find the Quiet Center,” which I really like, and which both Jeff and I sang along to. Gwin welcomed everyone and spoke, and then David came up to do his reading. He seemed a little nervous, and I noticed that we’d forgotten to make him a special copy of the print-out (the copy he had at the rehearsal had an email printed on the back), though I’m sure no one else in the place could see it. He did a really nice job with the reading. In retrospect, I had always meant to strike the word ‘lover,’ which I always think is a bit awkward, but it was read as written, which has something to recommend it, too.

Gwin went through the promises of the families, during which my parents and siblings, and then Jeff’s, said/shouted that they support our union, by responding “we will.” Then the whole congregation shouted the same affirmation, which was really fun and special.

Jeff and I also made our promises – answering “I will” to Gwin’s recitation of the traditional vows – “in sickness and in health, etc.”

Annette and Emily sang ‘Sunrise, Sunset,’ and did an amazing job – they sounded great. I thought that I really did sabotage myself a little by putting such emotional songs – Jeff and I both cried. How can you not, with phrases like, “Is this the little girl I carried… when did she grow to be a beauty… I don’t remember growing older, when did they…” etc. Someone told me later that there wasn’t a dry eye in the place at this point, but Jeff and I were facing Gwin and couldn’t see.

Liz and Michael did their reading first, and brought up yellow folders to hold their readings, which I thought was cute. They did a really nice job – Michael reading the Hebrew and Liz reading the English translation. Liz ad-libbed a bit to add “ and Minneapolis” in the section that says let there be rejoicing in Isreal. It was really cute. They gave us hugs before heading back down.

Gwin read 1 Conrinthians, which was a nice companion to the Jewish blessing, and then Annette sang “To Make You Feel My Love,” which ended up being a perfect follow-up to the bible reading. Also, Annette just did a spectacular job – she sounded great. Which, combined with the sweet lyrics, led to more teary eyes.

Then was the exchange of vows, which was probably one of them more nerve-wracking things for me. When I had originally imagined my wedding ceremony, I hadn’t thought I’d write my own vows – I thought I’d go with the traditional ones. The pressure of writing something meaningful and special and then of reciting them was a bit daunting, but I did agree with Jeff that it is really personal and special, so I decided I really wanted to do it. But this was also the place where I was most likely to cry the most. I am a big crier – I knew I’d cry at my wedding, and one of my biggest fears is that I would totally breakdown into sobs that would make it impossible to talk, and would pause the wedding and be awkward for everyone. And this was the point in the ceremony when that was the most likely to happen.

But somehow, when Gwin held out the copy of my vows for me to read over, I was able to do it – there were tears, and wavering voice, and some pauses, but I did make it through. I was happy that people seemed to be listing and laughing at the parts that were meant to be light-hearted.

Jeff and I exchanged rings next – Dave and Katie were right on the ball with having them ready. Gwin had a statement and a response that we were each supposed to recite after him when given or giving a ring. Jeff gave me my ring first, and I did the response without a problem. Then Gwin told me to put the ring on his finger, and I did, and then I was so focused I totally zoned out, until there was a long pause and someone (Gwin or Jeff) said, “Mariel?” I had forgotten to repeat after Gwin the statement I was supposed to say to Jeff after putting the ring on his finger. I laughed, and so did everyone watching, and then I did it correctly. It was actually kind of a stress-release, which is probably good – I felt happy, and not silly or anything.

People said the Lord’s Prayer – we had printed a slightly more contemporary version of it in the program (with you instead of thou and will instead of art, for example) though I noticed that many people still said the traditional Catholic version, which I thought was good, because it meant it felt familiar to people and they were comfortable.

Then Andrew sung “What a Wonderful World/ Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” accompanied by Emily on the piano and Drew on the Guitar. It’s a song I love, and I think Jeff and I were both residual crying from the vows, but otherwise we were doing really well.

Gwin explained the tradition of the breaking of the glass, pronounced us married, said a prayer, and then told us to kiss.

It’s hard to remember the kiss exactly – I remember Jeff lifted the blusher off my face, and I think we were both smiling really big, and it was a sweet, fairly short, kiss. At this point, I knew we were close to the end, and I was just feeling really, really excited.

Then it was time for the breaking of the glass, which Brian took and laid carefully on the ground in front of Jeff – it seemed like he may have been nervous too – if you can tell that from the way a person sets down a glass – or maybe I was just projecting…

Then Jeff stomped on the glass – I remember thinking he stomped really, really hard, but I heard the glass shatter, so I guess that means it was the right way to do it.

Then Gwin presented us as Jeff and Mariel Borowitz!!! And Dave (on Trumpet) and Dan (on piano) started playing “Good Day, Sunshine” as we left the landing and walked down and around the people sitting there. I remember hugging Jeff and being super, super excited, and saying “Holy Smokes, Jeff! We’re married!” I remember being super excited and almost in a bit of shock or disbelief, like, wow – that’s it! We did it! We’re married now!

Jeff and I went to the doors at the exit, and our parents met us there – they had been ushered out first. The wedding party had collected near us, and they headed off to get their things and help show people to the Library.

Jeff and I stationed ourselves next to our parents – I think I was to the left of Jeff, so I saw people first. I basically gave every single guest a hug – I was still so excited. For a number of our friends, when I saw them, I said, “We’re married!” because it was just so exciting to say it!

Apparently most people don’t do reception lines any more, and I can imagine that people don’t like waiting in a line to get out of the ceremony, but I loved doing it! I was so excited, and it was so fun to see each person, and thank them for coming, and just sort of share that excitement with all of them.

We had meant to do a wedding party photo in the park behind city hall after the reception, but I forgot to remind them, and there was no chance of finding them all at that moment, so once everyone in the line was through, we just headed to the Library.

Jeff and I first walked in, talked to people, and grabbed a little food. There was less food on the buffet table than I had expected – I’m hoping that’s because people had been eating for a while, and not because there wasn’t enough.

While Jeff and I were waiting for the photographers, we decided to have our scheduled ‘alone time’ in one of the conference rooms in the library. We sat on chairs in the dark and ate some cheese and chatted a bit, and kissed. It was nice to have a bit of time alone, though I was definitely just starting to come down from the high of finishing the ceremony – I was in that weird state where you feel really tired, so that you either need a nap, or you need to rush off and do the next thing on the schedule, and its really hard to just sit and relax.

From there, we found the photographers and went off to take a few more pictures of just Jeff and me around the library. We went up to the third floor, and there was a really cool view of everybody down below. Although, I don’t know where people are, but it didn’t look like it was enough people to fill all of the tables.

After photos, we went back to have a little more time at the cocktail reception. Someone got me a diet coke. I was starting to get really tired, so it was hard to focus and have a conversation and enjoy myself. I was still having trouble transitioning from go-go-go mode to relax-chat-and-party mode. I was a little worried that I’d stay in this state for the rest of the wedding, and I wouldn’t really be having a good time. (Luckily that wasn’t the case.) Lots of people asked to take a photo with me, so that was the main thing I did for a bit. (Which was a bit tiring, and stops you from going anywhere, but which I know I love to do when I’m at a wedding, and I know I’ll love to have after the fact, so I was happy to do it overall.)

Another mini-adventure during this time. Was that I realized we had not signed the marriage certificate to become legally married. Gwin was at the cocktail reception, but he wasn’t coming to dinner. He said that we could always try to do it the next day, but that he’d really have to go soon. I really didn’t want to leave it for another day. I had been carrying the marriage certificate with me all day in my yellow folder inside my purse, but I had left it in the get-ready room in the ceremony. There was a fair amount of work in tracking down where it was – Tom brought over my purse, but the folder wasn’t in there, and I think John Gardner went back to the hotel to look for the folder on the garment racks, but also didn’t see it. Then someone (maybe Ransom?) told me that they had seen it and that it was in one of the plastic bins in a hatchback car. I asked people to try to track that down – though I didn’t know what bin or what car or anything – but somehow they did find it and get it to me just before the end of the cocktail reception, and Gwin signed it (with both moms as witnesses), and took it to mail it in. Yay!

Also, I had asked Patrick to MC, and his first job was to introduce the wedding party. I hadn’t had time to write down the order for him, so we decided to just follow the order of the wedding program (which I think turned out to be about right anyway). At the last minute, we decided to announce the parents also, and to announce the ushers.

We got everyone assembled and in order at the top of the escalator, and everyone else was downstairs. Patrick started the announcing – it was a bit hard to hear, but we basically did ok – there was a little mix-up when one couple didn’t hear their names – but otherwise it went smoothly. People were called in pairs, and some had decided to do little poses or movements together, which I thought was super cute – like Neera and Tim or My brother and Annette – really cute!

Jeff and I decided to cheer as we went down the escalator, and to kiss near the bottom. It was such a fun time!

We went to our table. Patrick introduced my dad and he did a blessing before dinner – he did a nice job – I think he’s always very good at that. This was especially impressive because he had only found out he was doing it a few minutes before, when I rememebered that Gwin, who was on the schedule to do it, could no longer stay. The salad was served, though I didn’t feel very hungry – maybe because my corset thing was a little tight, so I didn’t eat all of it. I knew my dad was going to give his speech soon, and when I glanced over at his table, I could see him looking over his speech, and my mom with her arm around his shoulders, supporting him. After a bit, he headed back up to the microphone at the front to give the first speech.

It was really sweet, and really made me cry. He talked about how I was really easy to raise, because I always really wanted to be good. He also talked about when I was going to cry, I’d try to hold back my tears, but my lower lip would stick out and my eyes would get all watery, and that I did that ever since I was really little. He talked about how much he and my mom liked Jeff, ever since they first met him during parent’s weekend, and how he was so respectful and nice. He ended by talking about how Jeff and I are so good together and come to more than the sum of our parts. The speech went really smoothly, though he definitely got a little choked up. And I definitely cried. Jeff and I got up and gave him a hug afterwards.

Jeff’s Dad went next, and used a quote from Bill Cosby – he talked about making memories together, and about being there for each other. He ended with a quote from a Bruce Springsteen song. “You wait for me when I fall behind, and when you fall behind… I’ll wait for you.”

Katie was next up. I know she had been really nervous – she’d been worrying about her maid of honor speech since before I had gotten engaged, and this was it. Her speech was really sweet and really clever. She started out with a cute and funny story about how I always wanted to play school – even on the first day of summer vacation – and how I would ask teachers for extra worksheets to use for this purpose. She then tied this in to Jeff, who was my new person to ‘play school with’ – and how he was always there supporting my plans and goals. It was a really cute speech.

Dave was next, and he also gave a really heartfelt speech. One of the things I thought was really cute was that he said that Jeff and I are always whispering and talking in cute little voices, and that at first, since he used to fight with Jeff all the time when they were younger, he thought we were talking about him and making fun of him, but then he realized that Jeff and I just do that – “They’re probably doing it right now.” He said. Overall, it was just a really sweet speech about how Jeff and I are really perfect for each other.

We had meant for the caterers to serve dinner while speeches were going on, but they hadn’t, so we paused after Dave’s speech long enough for everyone to get their dinner. Jeff and I thought about trying to go around to tables, but I didn’t think we’d have much time, so we ended up giving up on that plan, though I would have liked to say hi to everyone.

Jeff’s and my mom’s were apparently very nervous, so even though they’d been some of the first served, they hadn’t touched their meals. They were both standing up front when I went to get Patrick to announce their speeches.

My mom went first – the theme of her speech was basically that she and my dad are not losing a daughter, they’re gaining a son and another family, and also that Jeff’s whole family is really great. It was a really cute speech, and you could tell that she had really genuine feelings she was trying to express.

Jeff’s mom was next. There was a really funny part of her speech during which she said that Jeff came home one Thanksgiving talking about this girl Mariel, and he’d say, “Mariel says…, or Mariel thinks…, or Mariel does…” And Jeff’s mom asked if he was dating this Mariel, and Jeff said they were just friends. And his mom said that she thought he just hadn’t figured it out yet. Very cute.

Brian gave the last speech of the night, and ended on a really cute and funny note. He gave a quick and light-hearted speech about how it’s a brother’s job to make sure his sister doesn’t date a jerk. He said he’d devised a test to see if Jeff was a jerk. We had a steak dinner, and he was going to have Jeff choose a steak first, but then say that the steak Jeff chose was the one he wanted, and see if Jeff would give up the steak or just keep it. Well, when it happened, they asked Jeff which steak he wanted, and he said that he wanted whichever one nobody else wanted, which had Brian totally stumped, though it pretty much made it clear Jeff wasn’t a jerk. My dad and mom had said that Jeff was good at board games, and Brian reiterated this – he said Jeff had won this game when he didn’t even know he was playing.

It was a really fun place to end the speeches. From there, Patrick announced Kiyoko’s dance – she did a traditional Japanese dance to Sakura, Sakura, which is about the cherry blossoms. It was cool, and really nice of her. After the dance, she gave Jeff and I the cherry blossom sprig she had used and paper fans.

There was a couple minute break, and then Patrick welcomed people to come up and watch as Jeff and I did our first dance. We danced to “You’re My Best Friend,” by Queen, which has perfect lyrics for us. It seemed to go really fast though – faster than I remember when we did a practice first dance in our studio apartment in DC. We had fun though, and we were both just really happy – we sang to each other, and danced, and Jeff picked me up and spun me around. By this time, I was totally re-energized and having fun, and I wasn’t tired at all anymore.

After the first dance was the father-daughter dance. It was to “I Loved Her First,” by Heartland. It was a really sweet song, and my dad was really sweet – I said that I had loved his speech and he said it came from the heart. I teared up a bit during our dance.

Next was Jeff’s dance with his mom – to “The Times of Our Lives,” by Paul Anka. It was really cute, and they seemed to be having fun. I sat at one of the nearest tables with Sandra and her date, and learned that they had actually had the entire table to themselves all night because some people hadn’t come.

The next dance was the anniversary dance, where the band played a Sinatra song (maybe “Fly Me to the Moon”, and Patrick MC’d perfectly. We started with everyone, and lost Jeff and I and a surprising number of our friends when he announced that everyone who’d been married for less than a year should sit down. Soon it was my parents’ generation and above left on the dance floor, then it was just Mamie and Grandpa Ray and Jeff’s grandparents. Mamie and Grandpa sat down around 50 or so, and Jeff’s grandparents were alone on the dance floor. Patrick finally announced 68 years – which is how long they’ve been married, and the whole room clapped for them. It was really cute. I had originally been a bit worried that people couldn’t hear and wouldn’t know what was going on, but I was really happy to see that everyone was really paying attention by the end.

After that the band started playing – I can’t remember what the music was, but it seemed like everyone was on the dance floor and dancing. Eventually we took a short break to cut the cake. Jeff and I haeded up to the second floor. The plan was to have the cake up near the glass on the walkway. It wasn’t there, so we recruited some friends in the area and moved the cake near the edge. Then Patrick announced it, they turned on “Sugar, Sugar,” on the iPod, and Jeff and I started cutting. We used our fingers to (nicely) feed each other a piece of cake. The piece Jeff ahd for me was really big, though, so I really only got frosting… then he finished the rest. The whole event was petty funny. It went by really quick, and then the band faded out “Sugar, Sugar” and started up again.

The last song before the band’s first break was the hora. Jeff’s uncle Mike jumped out on the dance floor and showed everyone what to do – they started a running/ dancing circle, which eventually changed into three circles (with just Jeff and me in the inner circle). After a while, Jeff’s uncle brought the chairs into the center, and Jeff and I sat down while people lifted us in the air. Jeff’s uncle brought us a napkin to each hold an end of. The chair lifting is a bit harrowing – it was really fun – but people don’t have great control, and the song goes on forever, so you can tell people are getting tired. I’m definitely glad we went out and bought chairs with handles. After a while it was back to the running circles, which made Jeff and I very dizzy, so we had to keep switching directions. The Hora seemed to last for a really long time, but it was really, really fun. A lot of the non-Jewish relatives told me afterwards that they really loved that part and being a part of the dance. I was so hot and sweaty afterwards that I took a minute to stand outside and drink a water.

For the rest of the night, the main activity was just dancing. There were tons of people on the dance floor, and people seemed to be having a really good time. I walked around a bit and chatted with people around the tables, though I know there are people I still barely saw. Dacning was really fun – the band was good, and everyone was really energetic. One crazy thing about dancing at your own wedding is that everyone is really excited to dance with you, so you spend a fair amount of time moving around and cutting in on different groups, who are always really happy to have you. We kept dancing until the very last song played at midnight. The whole time I was basically just excited and happy, and trying to make at least some effort to dance with and talk to a variety of people.

At midnight, there was a bit of coordinating to try to get everything back to the hotel – but our wedding party did an awesome job of trying to find the things we’d assigned them in advance – I really barely had to do anything related to that. Pooja got the wedding cake, which I’d forgotten to plan for. Eventually, my parents, Katie and Tom, and Jeff and me were the only ones left at the library. We packed into my parents’ car in the parking garage and headed to the hotel.

Katie, Tom, Jeff, and I headed up to the after-party in room 205. Kris and Emma had opened things up, and welcomed people in, and Patrick had already ordered and received pizza from Pizza Luce. Things were going strong when we got there – there were a ton of people, loud music, and plenty of drinks. The hotel had provided a number of bottles of champagne for free, which was really nice, so that’s how I started out. We sat and chatted and hung out until about 2am. There were still some people left at that point, but Jeff and I headed back to our room.

And that was our wedding day.