My Favorite Author

My new favorite author is now 3rd grade Jeff. His mom found this book he wrote, and I thought I'd give everybody else the pleasure of reading it by putting it up here. (I was originally going to just put excerpts, but then I thought people would feel I was leaving important details out. So this is all of it... promise.)

Is He Dead?
by Jeffrey Borowitz
to Lucy

Once upon a time, far into the future, a kid was not cooperating with his mom.

"No, no, no, I am not going to the grocery store," 10-year-old Bill Barryson said. "I want to play with Bob and Ted."

"No, Bill, we have to go to the store to buy the Halloween candy," said Bill's mom. Bill shot his mom a "that's all?" look. "Oh, okay, I'll tell you something. Bob Carson is dead."

"Have they found a body?" asked a frantic sounding Bill. You know it's not easy to just hear that your best friend is dead.

"No, there is no body, no ransom note though. I guess you can call him a missing person," his mom said. Bill stomped out the door.

"Remember to change the mirror in your solar bike." Bill's mom sensed some exercise.

Bill rode 3 miles to Ted Smith's house. "Let's go, hold on, do you know that Bob is missing?" asked Bill. "We could trade candy for info. I have five bucks," Bill said all at once.

"I've got a five too. Let's get one bag at a time. Let's start at the beach," said an eager Ted.

At 7:03 the sun was down and Ted was hearing a hum. He turned to face it. It was a fairy who said, "Bob is not dead. He is kidnapped. If you keep investigating, he will be killed." Ted gave the fairy the whole bag of candy but she couldn't hold it and dropped. Ted then talked these words into his walkie-talkie, "Bill, don't investigate further. They will kill Bob. Meet me at Riverside Road in ten minutes."
When Bill and Ted shared their information, they thought that they were pretty much stumped and that Bob was not all right. They went to their own houses and played the newest virtual reality game, Death Mystery. The one thing that puzzled the young detectives was that someone heard a moan. Of course he could have just been chloroformed but it never crossed either of their minds.

Bill called Ted later and said, "We just spent 7 bucks and used 3 bags of candy and we're nowhere. What's our next move?"

"To get some sleep. Meet you at the clubhouse tomorrow. Bring money, 3 bucks, and your bike and bring a new solar mirror. Mine is broken again."Then, that night, the night of Halloween, Ted answered a phone call. He heard, "Ted, why, why, why did you investigate. You knew I was being held captive but you made me die." Ted heard a click and decided to go to bed.

Ted was awakened by an opening door and looked for the sound. Ted almost fainted when he saw Bob. He could not remember if he did faint when Bob pulled a gun and said, "Gimme all your money," but after that he was definitely out cold. Bob took 100 dollars, a computer system, and left.

When Ted woke up, he found a card. On it was an address for a warehouse. He told Bill about it. They went to the address.

Inside there were 4 safes. Bill picked the locks. In each one there was at least 1,000 bucks and one safe was Ted's. They went to an office and found the real Bob.

"Hey, man, are you okay?" asked Bill while Ted untied him.
"Yeah, I guess so," answered Bob.

Later they sat satisfied giving statements to the cops. Then they lived happily for the rest of their lives.

The End